I can’t believe that it’s already been a full year since mom has moved on… this is an anniversary that I wish we didn’t have to remember (this is definitely not one to “celebrate”).
I still can’t believe that she is gone. There are many things that I wish I had done differently. I wish I had done more with her and for her. Since her passing, I have had an opportunity to gain a little more understanding of the frustration and discomfort that she experienced (in a VERY, VERY small way). What amazes me is that through it all, she really didn’t complain. When I was instructed to lay flat for 6 hours and not move I was miserable. When I could finally get up I was stiff, sore, and whiny. Mom experienced very little movement for nearly two years and rarely fussed. Could you imagine not being able to even roll over in bed and your position 24 hours a day was either laying on your back or sitting in a chair? MISERABLE!!
I spent more time with her in the last two years of her life than probably the last 20 combined. It was challenging for sure. For both of us. I am thankful that my mom was able to pass down her “compassion gene”. It’s not that either one of us were so nice about caring for others, but that if something needed to be done, we would make sure that it was taken care of. The last two years were incredibly hard and I learned so much. We got closer, but in a way that I wish we didn’t have to.
As time goes on and my memories begin to fade, what I would prefer to remember are the two years before her stroke. Those were probably the best years I have had with her that I can remember, even going back to when I was a kid. We were in a different place in our relationship, where there was mutual respect. I got to see her experience new things, get excited, laugh, dance, and even pull off surprises for us (learning to swim!). My mom accomplished more in her life AFTER the age of 40 than most people have in their lifetime. She learned to rely completely on herself and even found a way to continue taking care of those around her.
I really miss my mom but I’m so grateful for the time that I got to have with her.